May I please? - giving and understanding permission at the Brownie Monologues

You ever have those nights with your girlfriends or even by yourself where the order of the night is a big pan of brownies and some seriously insightful conversation? And as the night progresses the discussion and the brownies get better with every.single.bite, and you walk away feeling ever so full, nurtured and satisfied?

Well that is what the Brownie Monologues were all about. Well, sort of...it WAS all that I mentioned except there was some testosterone in the building. Whaaaat?Yeah, I brought a MAN. I brought my honey with me because I was trying to kill two birds with one stone. You know... have a little date night too. **giggle giggle, at least HE was enlightened*

Anyway, as the night progressed and each woman shared her challenges and how or why she wanted to change something in her life I found a little bit of myself in her too. It made me so very aware, yet again that my challenges are not completely unique. As women (and some men), we each share a similar story within our own individual stories. The stories told, ranged from self image to maternal imagery and reflection, people pleasing & guilt to entrepreneurship and more. Not only were these discussed but some resolves & solutions were exchanged. I loved it! They were shining their light and I was reflecting it.

One thought organically became the theme for the evening. Giving ourselves permission. I thought that to be powerful. Because, sometimes I didn't realize how much pressure it relieves me in my everyday living and beyond when I gave myself permission to say yes or say no or to let go to something or someone. And as many of us in the room realized, there is so much more happiness and joy within our mind, body and spirit when we give permission. For me it is not permission to bounce wherever with whoever without regard or focus. But permission with balance, clarity, love & intent.

This was the inaugural Brownie Monologues and so they promised there will be more. Even better, they encouraged us to continue, if we have not already been doing so, to create our own Monologues. It's good for the soul, it can only mean a better YOU, a better ME. So now we have PERMISSION ....where are the brownies?

I wish my jeans could travel, or something like that.

Yeah, something like that...kind of like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Honestly, I never saw the movie or read the books (although I plan too), but the name and the concept speaks for itself and I think its kind of cool.

Unfortunately, my jeans and I do not belong to the Traveling Pants group. The exact reason why I am sad and saying Rest In Peace to them. In case you did not know by now, these are not JUST a pair of jeans. No, these are my FAVORITE pair of jeans. These jeans have seen me through thick and thin, literally. They are the only jeans I could wear through my yo-yo weight and still look good on me. They just adjusted to every curve I gained and each inch I lost. These jeans loved me and were loyal to me no matter what!

Over the years after much washing they began to get those tears and rips. I didn't care, it just made me and my jeans look "cooler", "hip" and "funkier". We had rips in the front and rips in the back and we were okay with it. That is until recently.....I tried them on and came to the conclusion that old faithful has gone as far as she could go. I have pushed her to her limit and it seems that she cannot adjust herself to accept my "newest set of curves." We no longer look cool , hip and funky. We just look like...well, you get the point.

So I have to say goodbye, I wish I could pack her up and send her off to the next woman in some other town, some other country, some other city. I just cannot stand to throw her away. Maybe I could donate her to the goodwill! *side eyes* Then one day I will be walking down the street minding my own business with my NEW JEANS and look over to see Her with someone else. Looking cool, hip and funky. My mind would quickly shift back to all the fun times we had back in 'da day. Remembering how she used to fit me like that too. **sigh** I know, I know, I need to just let go ...

Do you think all good jeans go to HEAVEN?

Stamp of approval

The other day, while on my day off I was working like a busy worker bee. Just buzzing around from one chore to the other, remembering to take appropriate breaks for reading, eating or something else that I enjoyed. As each child came home rom school, I kissed them as a mother should and asked them about their day. Dinner was served in a timely fashion and as I cleaned up our dinner mess I had a thought :

"I've done a lot today"

I had to ponder on that thought for a little bit. Reflect on the pattern of the day. I have to admit I felt proud of it. When I sat down on my sofa in my very clean living room, looking into my very clean kitchen sighing with appreciation at the thought of my laundry being done and my bathroom was clean, I was HAPPY. I felt happy because I got things done according to MY standards, in a way that made me feel satisfied. I realized that it has been a while since I felt THAT good and confident about what I did with my day. Actually I realized that all too often I, as well as other women like myself do not give enough credit to ourselves. With self induced pressure I find myself focusing on all that I DID NOT do rather than all that I HAVE DONE. What a waste of energy! It is so much better on the Psyche to focus on the positive aspects of life, the small goals that we have accomplished. Why beat ourselves up over the the things that cannot be done, or for that matter what we don't feel like doing?

I am Not super woman (most of the time), nor am I a robot. I have been learning acceptance and looking toward myself for approval. Which means that I understand if I DON'T do everything perfect, because I recognize that I don't NEED to and I'm okay with that. I am becoming my own best supporter as opposed to my own worst enemy. I am really liking this person I am becoming, the more I get to know her the more I love her. (I know I'm speaking in 3rd person right now...it's okay) Kudos to her for having a great day of getting things done, enjoy it because as in true fashion it will be a different story tomorrow!

New things added everyday...

Can someone please turn it off?!! ;)

Pieces Of A Dream

I recently had a dream...my dreams are usually full of all types of unusual activities, people, places and events. Much often like a three ring circus, so much going on, you don't know were you should focus your attention. Because every ring is chock full of something exciting and your afraid you may miss out if you don't watch closely.

Often times I wake up and I don't remember the whole dream, but I'll remember that it was good or bad (based on how I feel when I awake). So this dream was no exception, It was a full three ring circus and I can't remember it all but, there was one segment that is very vivid to me. I was having a discussion with someone about taking chances and stepping out of our comforts. This was not for purpose of a career change, but for the purpose of self appreciation. In my dream I was explaining all of these pretty bizarre activities that I did in the name of love for self. None of which I do in reality, well, not to the extent in my dream. ;)

Anyway, in my dream I encouraged the young woman to see the need to take on the fight or flight attitude when it comes to self love and appreciation. Many times people (especially women) either run from loving and accepting themselves or they fight to achieve and maintain it. I had been on the flight aspect for most of my life. However, not too long ago I began my fight. And I must say just as much as it was/ is frightful it is also exhilarating. As I explained to the woman in my dreams I had to do some pretty radical things to force myself into self love and appreciation once I acknowledged that I was lacking.

I explained how necessary it was to do whatever you have to do to put yourself on the right path for this to take place. It can mean your very life and your purposeful existence. Once you accept the fact that you are lovable, worthy and beautiful your mind body and spirit begins to blossom in ways unimaginable. As I spoke, the woman's eyes grew wide, but I also saw the determination in them. I felt proud to have learned this lesson and share it with her. After saying my piece and feeling satisfied by it, I arose from my spot and in a most confidant way I left the room going through the door as regal as a black butterfly.

When I woke up I felt BEAUTIFUL and LOVED....

One of the great one's

Yesterday we lost an amazing woman in music and entertainment, Lena Horne died at the age of 92. She sang a tune with her own flavor. Her eyes came alive as she sang a song with passion, excitement and a certain savvy that seems to have been lost in days of old. My first encounter with Mrs. Horne was in elementary school when I had to do a book report on her for Black History Month. It was during this time that I truly admired her beauty, her style and her professionalism in a business that was not always accepting and often contradictory. Although during the Cotton Club's peak years, people of color were not allowed to patronize the club, but only allowed to serve and provide entertainment, I fell in love with the thoughts of her performing at the Harlem Cotton Club in the 1930's. Imagining that my grandfather was in the audience, captivated by her voice. Over the years, I have seen her periodically on television shows such as, Sesame Street, Sanford and son, The Cosby Show and A different World. With over 30 albums to her credit, the singers and entertainment of the 21st century have a lot to learn, and beautiful high heeled shoes to fill.