Saying goodbye

when something has been apart of a persons life for as long as they can remember, seperation is not an easy matter. Feelings of anxiety, lonliness and fear are hard to overcome, often resulting in tears.
Today, I will be experiencing a seperation of my own. Today, I will be detached from something that is very much apart of myself...my uterus. Although we have been together fo 37 years, through thick and thin. Good times and bad, it is time to say goodbye. As I reminice over our time together I can recall the feelings of fear as It gave it's evidance of maturity at the ripe age of 13. Oh! the merciless and seemingly endless displays of affection that was shown to me by way of cramps, bloating and back ache. My uterus was so gracious and givng. Every month it would surprise me with an overflow that was beyond measure, often on days that I least expected..:(
The best gift I have recieved from it though, is it's ability to carry and nurture my two unborn children. For nine months it provided a warm and safe place for them to grow. Providng me with a gift beyond compare.
So as one can see, my uterus has been both a negative and positive force in my life. With the negative being it's most dominant trait. It's no wonder then, after the doctors evaluation I felt no sadness. His conclusion and solution of the matter was to have a partial hysterectomy. A little snip, clip, and pull and it will be no more. How do I feel? ...hallelujah! Hit the road jack! Buh-bye and sianara! Each day on recovery is another celebration, which is even easier to do when I have a bottle full of percocet. I'm never tardy for the party!

Goodbye, dear uterus. Breaking up is so hard to do...NOT!

Oooops! Did I say that?

Children are so impressionable. They hear everything, see everything and are THINKING about what they THINK they hear.
It seems that nothing escapes their vivid imaginations. Early on, parents are checking under the beds, peeping in closets and closing blinds to keep out the unwanted creepy things.
However as time rolls on I'm learning that a child's imagination is triggered not only by what is on T.V. . It is also stimulated by the words that come out of mom and dad's mouth. Innocently, I do not hide very much of my life from my children. I have been known to talk very casually in their presence regarding various opportunities, experiences or issues. Mind you, I live a clean life. So, much of what I have spoken of is nothing that causes shame, or what I personally considered innappropriate. Let's be clear...
However i've recently learned through an experience that regardless of how innocent, adults talking without proper discernment in front of little ones is not the best Idea. Primarily because children do not properly percieve adult concepts. Many words, phrases and situations can be misinterpreted and cause needless anxiety or insecurity.
I was approached by an older family friend about my unscrupulous talking within the children's earshot. I'll admit, I quickly blew it off. But later on I pondered over it. I REALLY thought about the true implications, the consequences of what this dear friend made me aware of.
So, in a divided effort to prove her wrong and soothe my ego, I had a very frank conversation with the children. I thought to myself, "my kids arent like that, they don't misunderstand what I say." The conclusion? The wise woman proved true! Now I know SOME may read this and think "well, DUH!" ....what can i say? It was a lesson learned, allbeit the hard way. We live in a free country and have the gift of free will. However freedom of speech is relative.

There is definately wisdom in "Big mama 'nems" words: "this is grown folks business...when grown folks are talkin' children need to get walkin'. "

I Get the point now.

Sugar-free

When I was a younger, I lost a very dear grandparent to the consequences of diabetes. It was painful to watch as the years rolled on and he would lose more and more parts of his body by amputation due to the spreading of gangrene. First it was a toe, then a leg, another leg and then the thighs. By the time of his death he was without lower limbs and had been in a coma for a length of time. Heart wrenching to say the least.

As I grew up I was always aware of the problems with "sugar" and was always on the look out for the tell tale signs. I would learn in my adult years through my own research of family history that diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure were the leading cause of death within that lineage. Once I got into my twenties and later on throughout my thirties I began to see them. Slowly but surely, the physical signs of diabetes crept up into my life.

I began to take matters more seriously and made big changes in my life regarding my diet and exercise. It all made a huge difference. I was never diagnosed with the illness but I was a close runner up to it. I display many of the signs of a diabetic but have yet to be called one. It is a struggle for me every day to stay on the right path with my health because, the truth of the matter is that I just wanna do what I wanna do and eat what I wanna eat. However that is not the choice of wisdom, considering what is up against me. So I press on!

Which is why I was delighted to find out about Divabetics, outreach for women. "It is a non profit organization that introduces diabetes education with a 'glam more, fear less' Philosophy to help women at risk and affected by diabetes to look at their diabetes in new ways" * from the site*

This organization was inspired by the late r&b legend Luther Vandross, founded and created by his assistant Max Szadak. Divabetics hosts Divabetic glam makeovers in various cities of the United States along with providing a encouraging programs on their website for all who are in need. They have great team of educators and health care professionals ready to assist you to be all that you can be whether you currently have diabetes or are looking for preventive care.

I think it is a wonderful concept and hope that more will look into this great resource. We each only have one body and unfortunately we are not always kind to it or vice versa. However, it is never too late to make changes. I will end with this great affirmation that I saw on the website, which by the way, they have several affirmations that are so inspiring.

"I AM A DIVA WHO KNOWS MY FIRST PRIORITY IS ME"

*November is national diabetes month. Help spread the word about prevention and treatment with someone you love*

Take care...

The switch-aroo

Well, as you guys may already know by now, I am without daily Internet service. We have one computer with a technician and two more waiting for their turn to see the "doc." This is torturous for me as I cannot do what I do when I do it. Which is everyday. As I type this, I am at the local library, which BTW only gives me one hour to do my business. I am very frustrated but, I'm doing what I gotta do. It's a provision that's better than nothing, so I am grateful.

I figured since I have so much down time at home these days, I will take advantage of it and catch up on the things I have been putting off. Perhaps doing more reading, spend more quality time with the family, getting organized and getting more sleep. Yeah, the sleep has been nice. Since I have not had Internet access, I am going to bed at a decent time...hubby loves that!

This situation is also forcing me to do things the way I used to before I found out about blogging. Journaling, I used to journal and have been since high school days. However I have gotten away from it and this is a perfect time to get back into the groove. It should make things easier for me too, when I come to the library. I can just bring my journal and type in my newest blog posts thereby saving myself some time.

so, that's all for now. I'll be back with a new post on Wednesday...I have so much that I want to share with you all.

I'm so old fashioned

Can this be happening? I used to wonder about how people functioned without a computer. I used to wonder how a person can go days without checking their emails. How can an able body actually be unplugged? Without the random 140 word tweets and facebook status updates, a person is actually forced to learn what is going on in the world the "old fashioned" way.

Well, I no longer have to wonder.

With three...yes, three computers in my house down at the same time. Each attacked by some cruel and heartless virus (even though I have virus protection on each computer). I now know what it is like.

This is so unfair.