It's about that time to do it again

Like most parents I am about to start prepping for the first day of school. It's that time of year when there is excitement, anxiety and annoyance all rolled in one. OMG! I hate having to deal with the long lines at the local Walmart and the department stores looking for the best bargains on pencils, paper and the coolest must have tween clothing accessories. Don't get me wrong I love the bargains, I just hate feeling like I'm in competition with a million other parents to get them.

Then there is the anxiety of wondering who the new teacher is going to be. What type of kids will be in class with my kids every day? It's back to packing lunches and handing out lunch money. Or in my case, having to apologize to my kids because I forgot to give them the a'fore mentioned items which results in an embarrassing situation with the cafeteria lady giving my kid a PB &J wrapped in wax paper and a cup for water until they come back with cash. Those lunch ladies are merciless I tell ya!And of course filling out all those doggone papers the first two weeks. I just about feel like I'm buying my house all over again with all the paper signing that I have to do.

Then, there is the happy side that I enjoy so much. That look of excitement that is on their faces when they are looking on the list to see where they have been assigned, hoping that their classroom buddies from last year will be with them this year. It's that sense of pride I get when I hear each child tell me how much harder they will work this school term than they did the year before. Without a doubt, they always looks so cute rockin' the new outfits on the first day. It's such a confidence booster.

And of course they always make my heart melt when they wave goodbye and blow me kisses as they ride away on the school bus. I quickly get over it however, as I sit at my kitchen table sipping my coffee flavored with caramel macchiato creamer and a dash of cinnamon and nutmeg. Enjoying the sweet sound of quiet.....hmmmmm, oh yeah it's back school time bayyyybeeee! Can't you hear the bells ringing?

Sometimes dreams do come true

I can recall last year how eager I felt to write a blog post when I woke up so very emotionally full from a dream. It was so moving to me that as soon as I woke up I immediately took out my net book and started pecking away at the keyboards for fear that I would forget the powerful impact it made upon me. In my dream I was a motivator, a source of empowerment and a light to a young woman. In real life I do not now her, she was a random non recognizable person of my reality. But in my dream it was as if we had a connection. You can read about what I wrote HERE.

Well after that time, I began to look more within myself and realized that I wanted to get more involved with public speaking, more specifically with women and women's issues. I wasn't quite sure how or when it would occur but I just started THINKING it, BELIEVING it, and SPEAKING it. Even when some snickered and smirked at how I CLAIMED it. But I had to overcome some insecurities, take my head out of it (which is hard for me because sometimes my brain won't quit) and follow my heart. With a little motivation and inspiration from a couple of family members, friends and my coach/Lightcaster I reached back, threw out my line and got a couple of bites! laughing at my own self for that analogy, because I seriously do not like fishing but my bait-casting, fishing pole toting, bass fishing husband totally does. Regardless, I got an offer to speak and I totally loved it! Even more importantly it was for The Younger Women's Task Force of Atlanta during Women's health and wellness week....right up my alley. I am looking forward to my future endeavors, big or small I will appreciate them all. Hey! that rhymes! ;) To check out more detail of what I spoke about and what my whole experience was like please click on over to www.bebeautfullywell.com

When we sweep the dust under the rug, throw skeleton bones in the closet, it all gets exposed during a snow storm

Last week the great snow storm of 2011 in Atlanta was like an amazing test of human nature. With so many people stuck inside their homes, many were getting cabin fever. The first day or two wasn't so bad. It was kinda cute....you know? You make a little fire in the fireplace and sipped wine while admiring the winter wonderland from the window ( well, at least that's what I did). Families had some bonding time, pulled out the old boardgames, had Wii competitions, baked, slept and many adults found some very adult ways to pass the time *wink, wink*.

However by the end of day 3 and consecutively the 4th-5th days, folks was about to go bonkers! Kids were bored outta their minds and people was so desperate they was walking to the store in the snow for items as small as a pack of m & m's !

Recently on a local radio show it was announced that past psychological studies have shown that two things happen during times such as these. One : 9 months from now there will be an increase in babies born (result of the very adult ways to pass the time) and Two : separations, divorce, breakups and familial dissension occurs.The latter situation I think is so sad, although I know it is such a reality for many. Mainly because life is so busy, people take relationships for granted and do not take the proper time to cultivate them. Often times family meals are rushed, communication is done during transportation to and from work, school, team practice, etc. foundations for successful relationships are not being made solid. I have a feeling that the issues within the various families and relationships which have been swept under the rug previously, were then staring people right smack in the face. Which means they had to DO SOMETHING about it.

Instead of taking the easy way out, I hope that many folks proved the study wrong and made positive steps in the right direction if it was at all possible. To see the negative in something, someone, or even our self can be good if handled and addressed in a positive and progressive way. Maybe the great snow storm of 2011 will prove to be a catalyst for revelations creating better and healthier relationships.

Just a thought

Just call me Mommy Dearest

I was thinking last night, a recurring thought that I am similar to my mother. Yeah I admit it, the woman who I thought was pretty eccentric and took drastic measures to get her point across is actually living somewhere inside of me. She has taken up residence and like an annoying nieghbor she kind of likes to make surpise visits in my mind when I least expect it.

It seems to always happen when I'm dealing with the kids.*hint* It is always then at the hieght of the kid crisis that I think "Aha! I know what will fix 'em" and then I have my "Ramona Moment". The moment when my kids look at me like they are certain I am from another planet, the look that says " is this CHICK for real, for real? " For a brief moment as I look in their eyes I totally understand how THEY feel, but in another flash I totally understand how SHE felt. Then I proceed with my own eccentric and drastic measures mixed with some of hers, to get my point across...

Mothers have to do what they gotta do to raise decent, moral, respectable citizens (as my mother would say) and now that I am a mother, I concur. Does that make me "Ramona - Like" ? Maybe so...oh well, maybe it's not that bad after all.

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Eat, pray, love : my review

What can I say about this book? What one word can I use to describe they way I felt when reading this book ?

Connected

Yes, as Elisabeth went through her journey for a period of 9 months or more through Italy, India, and Indonesia I felt connected. She was witty and able to laugh, cry and be angry with herself and her experiences. Within each country, she allowed herself to be in the moment to feel each emotion that was brought up. She worked through them no matter how uncomfortable it was physically or emotionally. I enjoyed peeking through her life and rejoicing with her when she had her "aha!" moments. During her times of clarity I was put in deep thought. Her satisfaction and connection with spirituality, made me reflect and have gratefulness.

I am so glad I read this book first. Now I'm ready for the movie, pass the popcorn please!

Reflections

It seems like every year on December 31st we hear the same phrases "where did the year go!" "It just zoomed by!" " I can't believe a new year is upon us!" The funny part to me is that we always have the same amount of time, it's just how we choose to use it or not that makes it feel like it has "zoomed" past us.

Upon the close of the present year and arrival of the new we naturally look back on the good, the bad and the ugly that went on in our lives. As I look back on my year I have to admit that I had so many good things to happen, I can only be grateful. New business venture, new house etc. Yes there were some material gain in 2010, but my emotional & mental growth has been what is most amazing to me. I feel as though the barriers that kept me from being my best self had been lowered if not removed from in front of me. This, primarily due to feeling that enough was enough, realizing that my own inabilities to move on and let go were my biggest hurdles. Finally "getting it." Truly understanding my own worth. Understanding my feelings, accepting them, working with them and being okay with them. To take off the heavy amount of pressure that I put upon myself regarding various relationships was such a relief ! This all happened during a process or a series of processes not always easy on the psyche but oh so very worth it. The end result is HAPPINESS AND CONTENTMENT....what a sweet way to end 2010.

I am open, ready and willing to accept all good things 2011 is going to bring me.

Hidden lessons from dear aunt Shirley

Lately, I have been in heavy thought about my dear, great aunt Shirley. She always held a special place in my heart since as long as I can remember. Perhaps it was her stylish ways that just kept me captivated. She was full of color, and had a very engaging smile and a LA-DEE-DA way about herself. She was such the diva in our family, and she gladly let it be known too! That is sort of the joke among some family members, when we begin to act in "high society"ways that are reminiscent of Shirley. Each of us secretly wanting to have some characteristics of her apart of us.....I mean, it's in our DNA to have a little bit of diva in us right? Only Natural.

*I pause in recollection, with a smile*

Well lately, I have been feeling so close to her although she is passed on. I feel close to her in the sense that I am finding myself drawn to some of the things that was so "classic" of her, putting her in my thoughts almost daily. Feeling like I can understand her reasoning on somethings, and wondering if this was the age of which she began to "be" the certain way that we all came to love about her. It makes me smile, when I see her reflected in me as I am more and more doing small things like her.

There were two things that she always did; 1) She always drank champagne and 2) she always wore sexy satiny lounge wear. In my memory of her, she did not have a special occasion to do these things. It was her routine. She was fancy and glamorous. Up until recently I just used to laugh it off, and think that was just her being "extra". But I have to realize lately that she was on to something and we just needed to catch up to her level. *side eye, sly grin*
It is in my understanding that her doing these things signified that she celebrated each day. She did not need anything special to sip champagne or wear her satiny pj's....she was worth it all the time. What a lesson! How often do I, do we live our life like it is a celebration? When do we take the time to appreciate our selves, and the small blessings that we have? My aunt Shirley was not a wealthy woman , but she appreciated the fine things, and according to her standards she had the best and she basked in it.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, enjoy the blessings in your life today. Share them with your family & friends. Don't wait for the special occasion to use your good china, or your nice tea set. I plan to Be like Aunt Shirley the Diva and pull out the champagne glass, pour myself some bubbly and relax in my satin pj's & robes....remembering that life in itself should be a celebration. The fact that I have yet another day to be my best self is a joyous occasion all it's own.

A valuable lesson indeed. Thanks Aunt Shirley....

Re: Eddie Long or any one else accused, we must educate, support and love the children.

There is so much talk going on these days regarding the Bishop Eddie Long situation. Everywhere I turn on the news, twitter, facebook and private conversations, his alleged indiscretions are coming up. It seems that people are split right down the line on what he is accused of. They are either believers of his allegations and wish him to be banned from the church or they are playing the devils advocate and acknowledging his alleged wrong doing but emphasizing forgiveness.

My stand point? I'm rather neutral, by nature I am a peace maker. I have been told that I have the ability to stand in the middle of a situation and see clearly both sides. In this case I can't say that I can see both sides ( I tend to only see one side in this case), I think I will just wait for the evidence to be presented in court. The truth will come out then. However, I do have an opinion regarding children and people of position or authority over them.

I feel that parents have got to do a better job of educating their children. Especially since many parents are leaving their children in the care of others i.e. daycare, babysitters, heck even other family members! Often times too, they are encouraged to spend time with fellow worshipers and spiritual leaders (as in the case of Eddie Long's spiritual sons). Of course our children cannot be under us 24/7 but for goodness sakes please teach them how to recognize the signs of a sexual predator!

It is a known fact that the sick minded individuals that are molesting and manipulating children look for certain types. These men and women look for the fatherless, low self esteem, angry, quiet and needy children. Through no fault of their own, they become victims. As parents, guardians, mentors of these children we must teach them to think higher of themselves. To know that it does not matter what a person offers them, they cannot and should not be bought in exchange for inappropriate behaviours. My heart went out to the young man Jamal Parris, when he said that "he loved the Bishop as a father. How he wanted so much to be loved by this person that he was willing to do the things he never thought he would". To know that he and others have been allegedly taken advantage of because of their desperate need for love is what makes me so sad. We must do our best to teach the babies that their love should never have to be bought, and to receive it should never have to hurt.

Often times children and teens will hold in their "secrets" of sexual misconduct because they feel that it will not be believed. We need to do better jobs at reassuring them that they will be believed and that we will have their backs when they come to us. This is not a conversation to be had one or two times. NO! It needs to be had over and over again , because children forget and need constant reassurance. Just like we cannot tell a child that we love them one time and expect them to know and feel it, we cannot have this discussion on sexual misbehavior one time and expect them to follow our advice and come to us immediately if it happens.

I'm not sure who these young men had in their lives, but it bothers me that no one could see the signs of this alleged situation. Are we as parents really seeing our children? Are we also being naive when it comes to various people that we put our children in contact with? When it comes to our children we can never be too safe otherwise we may wind up being sorry. WE must watch, listen and learn our children. To gain their confidence we must look for ways to show them that they can turn to us at any time they feel uncomfortable. The quicker they expose the predator for who and what they are,the less pain & suffering they have to deal with.

The scars that sexual abuse leave are never erased. They may not always be on the surface but underneath the superficial layers it finds ways to remind each victim of it's presence deep inside. As the young man in the interview said, "I will always remember the smell of his cologne, I cannot get the sound of his voice out of my head, I cannot forget the way he made me cry and the many showers I took to wipe the smell from my body"...that my friends is a tortured soul.

I know every child cannot be protected at all times and I am certainly not saying that I have always made the wisest parental decisions. However, this situation has definitely opened my eyes and caused me to see my job as a protector of my children and those around me even clearer.

Remember to talk, encourage, and build up your children. THEN REPEAT. It may save them a lot of heartache in the end.

Flying by the seat of my pants

Recently a friend on facebook asked the question :

..".What makes you feel most alive? Don't try to figure out what the world needs more of; try to figure out what you do that makes you feel most alive. The minute you find the answer go do it. What the world needs most is people who are alive... What makes you feel most alive?"

I thought about this interesting question and came up with a few simple answers . But then yesterday my children, my cousin and I decided to take in the sights at the Atlanta Dogwood Festival. We had no definite plans other than we knew we wanted to go. It had been decided that because there was so much going on in the city, driving was out of the question and so we took the public transportation.

We got on the train in the right direction but not sure of what station to get off on. But that was okay, we figured we will get there one way or the other. After riding for about 10 minutes we figured it out and got off on the correct stop. ...No biggie. Once we got off we were not sure which shuttle to take , we asked around and figured it out...No biggie. Once in the park We are enjoying the arts and of course people watching, not really going in any specific direction. A few times my cousin asked " which part do you want to walk to?" "what do you want to look at first?" My reply was simple " doesn't matter, lets just go with the flow, do whatever". And so we walked arm and arm..doing whatever and loving it.

Later on we realize as it is getting dark that there is a big outdoor screen in the open field. There was about to be a movie played outdoors. Oh wow! We were excited, but then we notice we have no blanket, no snacks or beverages...totally unprepared for this activity. Did our lack of preparation deter us? NO WAY...we simple improvised. We found a store withing walking distance and bought the items we needed, came back to the park and enjoyed the screen on the green. We had everything we wanted and needed, except a blanket. We improvised, huddled close together in the night air laughing and cheering with the crowd...No biggie.

At the end, my dear husband came to pick us up ( because of course we missed the last shuttle and did not want to ride the train back home)...No biggie

To some of you reading this you might think that I am a little crazy for doing all that without any real forethought. Thinking that we just was flying by the seat of our pants. Well, sometimes we do, but that is what makes life interesting. There is always an adventure waiting to happen and THAT is what makes me feel ALIVE.

A soldier of Love- Sade has struck a cord

I don't know what it is about this song that has just captivated me, but I am totally engrossed in it. Over the years I have liked a few songs by Sade just like the majority of the population, however I would not ordinarily consider myself her "fan". With this new album though, I have felt myself become her fan. Is it the beat of the drum or the strum of the guitar that I hear?Or is it really just parts of the lyrics that are resonating within me right now? It seems that due to all of the things I have been through with certain familial relationships, that I have a soldier-like approach at times. Well, at least I want to have that type of approach. Absolutely, I feel the need to protect my heart from harmful effects of toxic relationships without losing my ability to still serve love greatly and deeply. I totally get what she is saying ..."it's a wild, wild west. Doing my best. To stay alive." Often times I feel like it is a battle to continue to fight for love....not so much to have to love others (that is easy). But the fight is to continue to always love myself ....I have to be a soldier of love sometimes, because I am worth the fight.

Sunday Best

This morning I woke up and prepared to make Sunday breakfast for my family. It is one of the times that we are all actually together at the same time. There is no hustle and bustle going on, we can actually sit down at the table and enjoy each others company before our Sunday meeting.

It feels good.

As the coffee was brewing, and the sausage was sizzling I was getting the plates ready to set the table. Like always I grabbed our everyday plates and our everyday coffee mugs to set our table and I had a thought. "Why not use my 'good plates'? " You see, I have 2 sets of "good plates" that I inherited from a very, very dear relative. They are so precious to me that I rarely ever use them. I like to look at them from time to time in the cabinet with admiration and on occasion I pull them out for our "special" guests. However, it dawned on me that although not guests, my family is SPECIAL. So why not use these pretty dishes for them too?

So right away I put back the everyday plates for us everyday people and brought the special dishes for the special people in my life. As we sat down to enjoy our meal, my kids began to say "wow! it looks like we are rich today!" Which began a brief dialogue and lesson for our family:

Remember to appreciate each day, Each of us are special and we don't need a special day to enjoy some of our special things. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, so don't wait for it to enjoy today.

No need to be all SNOOTY about it!

Okay it is Monday and I feel a need to vent. Generally I don't like to complain but what's up with peoples attitudes these days? It really isn't necessary to act..." cold blooded !" (in my Dave Chappelle, Rick James Chronicles voice)

The last couple of days I have been reaching out to some people I've met at networking events, that I THOUGHT were great. Looking for an opportunity to connect in business. However, it seems that after a 5 or ten minute conversation or email with them, THEY are NOT so great.

Is it because some people are only out for themselves? Perhaps they have reached a higher level and they feel above others? I'm not sure what the problem is, but I know one thing. I don't appreciate being treated like I'm a scrub. I am far from that. I have always tried to treat people with dignity and respect, to honor their light which is in my presence. So, I am very taken aback when I am not treated in like manner. It is downright disturbing to my spirit.

Needless to say, each of those persons have been removed from my Rolodex. I do not want to work now nor in the future with anyone who has a snooty demeanor. The world is so full of fake people and folks with unscrupulous business practices, but I do not have to choose to work with them. They are not deserving of MY light.

So, I end this post with a bible verse that I learned a lesson from years ago:
"Let him who thinks he is standing beware that he does not fall" 1Corinthians 10:12....
A little humility goes a long way.

Don't get it twisted

I am the type of person that has deep emotion. I am a peacemaker and a peace lover. If I have a serious problem with someone or something, it is important for me to set matters straight by eventually making my feelings known. It helps me to move on from the situation and not hold on to it. Holding on to negative feelings often create a place of bitterness and resentment, hiding in small crevices of the heart and mind. It never really allows a person to be free, causing one to be stagnant in life. Some people get it and some do not. Those who don't, seem to misunderstand the whole point. Feeling as though talking about things is a waste of time and energy. However, If done properly it can create a bridge to better understanding and a strong foundation in all relationships.
Recently I was told that I was making myself a victim because I chose to discuss a situation that hurt me deeply. I had the impression that my choice to express myself gave the other person the perception of weakness. How untrue that perception is. In fact, it is because I try to think through various issues, getting to the root of them that I am NOT a victim. Of any given serious situation which involves me. In fact I consider myself a survivor, because I fight everyday to push myself ahead. Doing what I do in spite of my trials. Going through my thoughts, I was reminded of that song ; Survivor, by Destiny's Child. How appropriate to post it up here today. It goes right along with my feelings.

Give me some Mo'

I have liked the comedy style of Mo'nique, although she can be brash in her use of the four letter words, she does makes me laugh. The energy that she adds to a movie really keeps it rolling. She keeps it real, and I like what's REAL.


So I was excited to see that she had gotten her own late night talk show on BET . The sistah's are doing their thing, with the talk shows these days. We have Wendy Williams in the a.m., Tyra and Oprah in the afternoons and now Mo'nique late nights. How great is that!? The talk show business is getting it's swirl on!


I've eagerly watched the first couple of weeks episodes, cheering her on for coming this far. Her guest line up is refreshing, because she looks for the people and stories that are inspiring. She is all about giving people a chance to shine. I really was touched by her interview of the Ohio Wrestlers, two boys winning against the odds. Her interview of the cast from ABC FAMILY Lincoln Heights , was sweet and encouraging too. She appears to be so full of love, happiness and gratitude that you can't help but to feel it too and it is this exuberance that keeps me coming back.


Now, I'm all about the love too but I still have to keep it real for a minute. Monique's show would be even better if she would just. stop. screaming. From the time she steps off the elevator, throughout the interviews and all, she is talking at the top of her voice. Whew! Some nights I just turn the volume down, because at that time of the night I am winding down. But I'm not giving up on her, I'm going to continue to keep giving her the support in doing her thing. After all she does have a good show and it's better to support a good show than to keep putting up with the thousands of crappy ones out there.....Even if i do have to take an aspirin for my headache after her show.

;)