Working in the yard teaches lessons about relatinships

I don't know how many of my readers know this about me, but I really enjoy working in my yard. If you did not know this, then I was amiss somewhere in my blogging here on this site. Well, I guess it just makes for some new material huh?

Anyway, The other day I was working in my backyard and as I was digging a hole big enough to fit my new butterfly bush, *insert BIG smile* I was having a hard time. The ground was hard and I had to soften it with water, the sun was beaming hot and I had to really work to get the rocks out so that the soil was more suitable. As I was doing this work I thought about how my hard work will pay off. How proud I will be when I see my bush blooming and attracting beautiful butterfly's.

As I scooped in the hand fulls of dirt, I started thinking. Because that's what I do when I work in my yard. There's something about running my fingers through the soil that makes me reflective and peaceful. My thoughts about my hard work led me to thinking about my relationships. They too are hard work sometimes. They require cultivating. Digging, softening, and proper nurturing even during tough conditions. Sometimes they are not easy and just like with working in the yard, it can sometimes be trial and error. Requiring some education either through previous experience, books or assistance from a friend. Whether it is a new or old plant, new or old reationship, you don't have a guarantee of the success of it's growth. However, because you want to see the fruits of your labor you work hard at it. It requires patience along the way because some plants (relationships) take longer than others to produce a bud. It is a fact though, that if you do nothing then you get nothing, only a dried up, lifeless stub of what could have been, not a pretty sight. As a gardener or as a person in any relationship, when you do your best according to YOUR best and with good intent there is satisfaction to be found.

So appropriate and in line with my thoughts, is the topic for conversation on Love On The Radio. A Blogtalk radio show hosted by my friend Swarthy Daisy and my business partner with Be.Beautifully.Well , LadyLovelyPeace. Each week during the month of August they will be discussing Love and Relationships with the author of the book: Loves Gumbo, by Brooke Brimm.
If you are like me and you welcome open dialogue, awareness and tips to keep your relationships in bloom, Join in and listen. They discuss critical points in relationships with :

• Self
• Mate
• Friends
• Family

There will be an e-book give away for Love's Gumbo each week to one of the participants of the Twitter party as well. That is aaawwwwesome ! This week the twitter party was all kinds of juiciness as well as the show. Honey, don't miss it next week, Follow us on twitter and be ready for next week's party. Find any of us : @hicksgirls93 @LadyLovelyPeace @SwarthyDaisy @1LoveOnTheRadio @BeautifullyWell #LuvChat

...BTW How you like my gardeners outfit? Cute, Right? ;)

Loving Me, Loving You

This weekend my husband and I went to see the movie; WHY DID I GET MARRIED TOO?
This movie touched on so many topics and emotions within a married relationship. Of all of the situations that each mate was dealing with, i have to say that the character of Angela struck a cord with me the most. Of course everyone knows that Angela is totally off the chain with her antics and shenanigans. Always creating havoc everywhere she goes. No one understands her when she gets this way, She is a lovable person but she keeps up an unbreakable exterior.

Whenever I see a person that is so tough, all it does is make me wonder about their insecurities. What are they trying to protect? What are they hiding underneath all of that tough skin? Well, Angela in the movie revealed it; INSECURITY along with a LACK of SELF LOVE. She did not see her own value and because she did not appreciate her own worth she did not understand why her husband loved and stayed with her. Which led to self-sabotage of her relationship. She did not believe she was worthy of someones true love. She abused her self and expected him to do it also in return. Underneath her tough exterior she is a fragile & vulnerable person, who wants and desires a loving, committed relationship but does not know how to receive it in a healthy way.

Love of self is so vital to a happy and clear path in life. Some people learn this lesson early and some have to go through a lifetime of troubles before they "get it." When someone does not love themselves they most certainly cannot love others PROPERLY, which can and will make for dysfunctional relationships. We all know of an "Angela", perhaps SHE is YOU. Whatever the case, share this insight with her. Help her to see the light and the gifts within herself.

Here is a great way to get started www.openthegifts.com

TO LOVE YOURSELF IS TO KNOW YOURSELF AND TO LOVE YOURSELF IS FREEDOM

Do You Remember The First Time?

I know that during the month of February, many people are thinking of romance. Valentines day has love in the air, with men and women wondering what can they do THIS year to top what they did last year.

I am a firm believer in showing my love year round and not waiting for V-Day. It's a normal day with a lot of hype. However being the frugal man that he is, my husband cannot pass up the chocolates that are on sale or the flowers that get marked down at the last minute. Hence, by default I may receive a lil' sumthin'- sumthin'

Recently, since the beginning of the month I have been seeing and hearing the phrase "first kiss." Even on The Wendy Williams Show, Wendy have been asking all of her guests to tell about their first kiss experience. Some of the stories were so cute and very memorable and others well, not so much. Hehehehe! This had me thinking. Thinking back to my first kiss. It was all so long ago, and was given to me by the son of my parents best friends (typical). He was older than me by a couple of years. Dark, bowlegged and mannish! Our parents spent a lot of time together so it was only natural, I guess.

Since that first kiss, there were several more (kisses) over the teenage years. Most of which were okay. With just a couple of *yarn*sigh* less than fascinating ones.

Fast forward to 1990, age 18 when I met my husband. We were friends (with a serious attraction) for the first 6 months, then on April 1st 1991 we agreed that our platonic friendship should be more. We shared our first kiss and it was like fireworks, Snap!Crackle!Pop! After that first kiss we have been together ever since. Although the kisses have varied over the years, the feelings are still the same. There have been a few times when the fact that I will never experience another "first kiss" has crossed my mind. However, it's a great feeling to know that my first kiss was my last first kiss but it is also my best kiss.

Honey, you're fired!

He says that he can do it all by himself, he no longer needs my assistance. After years of watching me, he is ready to experience it for his self. No I'm not talking about my son. He is not the one cutting the apron strings. The culprit in this case is my husband. For the 16 years that we have been married I have always been the accountant of our establishment. Using various budget systems & a little juggling to cover the bases. I cant say that I was perfect, but I did my job.

So imagine my shock when he approached me with his new idea. He might as well have handed me a pink slip, because I 'sho felt like I was fired! After I was done pouting, he assured me that the changes aren't "personal"...*insert eye roll*. He said it was apart of his growth and maturity as a man. Wow.

I continued to dwell on the heartfelt words he spoke to me & concluded that this may not be such a bad idea after all. I've heard the phrase "how you view a situation is how you react to it. " Perhaps I had a blurred view of the situation. I realized that in my own way I linked my responsibility of the finances with control. It's no wonder then, why I felt dethroned as he is reaching for greater responsibility. I began to view this new change in a positive light. Realizing that it could be a good thing.

I reminded myself that marraige is a partnership and no one should be in control of the other and certainly no one should be a servant. Good marraiges blossom under communication, cooperation and encouragement. There should be a balance.

Women (myself included) are often heard complaining about the irresponsibility in men. Wishing that a man would be a "real man". However, in some cases is it possible that today's modern women are actually preventing this ? For years, fighting for equal rights. Proving more and more that she can do the same jobs as he, and even better. I feel that this causes some men to sit back, leaving them unsure of how to fullfill their roles. Not wanting to appear non-progressive. Women want men to be men traditionally, but often try to controll the areas that they can do it.

Now I am aware that this not the case in every situation. Realisticly there are many women playing dual roles because they have to. So when a man who can and is willing to carry a heavier load gets involved , the woman continue to tightly hold the reigns. Because it may feel almost unnatural. This is the category that I find myself in. I come from a family, who for generations have been held together by women due to a lack of positive male headship. I've always seen women in charge, even in the presence of a man. These were unspoken lessons being taught, indeed.

As I reflect on the past I do not want to continue on in the pattern of the women before me. Carrying an unbalanced load, doing it all. As long as I have some one willing to share more of the responsibility I certainly don't need to block it. Marraige is about trust, not only in monagomy but also in money.

I've lived the first 16 years of my marraige with some control issues. For the next 16 I plan on letting them go. I'll admit there will be some bumpy roads ahead, but I'm looking forward to a great learning experience. I am offering up prayers as I type this...

Oooops! Did I say that?

Children are so impressionable. They hear everything, see everything and are THINKING about what they THINK they hear.
It seems that nothing escapes their vivid imaginations. Early on, parents are checking under the beds, peeping in closets and closing blinds to keep out the unwanted creepy things.
However as time rolls on I'm learning that a child's imagination is triggered not only by what is on T.V. . It is also stimulated by the words that come out of mom and dad's mouth. Innocently, I do not hide very much of my life from my children. I have been known to talk very casually in their presence regarding various opportunities, experiences or issues. Mind you, I live a clean life. So, much of what I have spoken of is nothing that causes shame, or what I personally considered innappropriate. Let's be clear...
However i've recently learned through an experience that regardless of how innocent, adults talking without proper discernment in front of little ones is not the best Idea. Primarily because children do not properly percieve adult concepts. Many words, phrases and situations can be misinterpreted and cause needless anxiety or insecurity.
I was approached by an older family friend about my unscrupulous talking within the children's earshot. I'll admit, I quickly blew it off. But later on I pondered over it. I REALLY thought about the true implications, the consequences of what this dear friend made me aware of.
So, in a divided effort to prove her wrong and soothe my ego, I had a very frank conversation with the children. I thought to myself, "my kids arent like that, they don't misunderstand what I say." The conclusion? The wise woman proved true! Now I know SOME may read this and think "well, DUH!" ....what can i say? It was a lesson learned, allbeit the hard way. We live in a free country and have the gift of free will. However freedom of speech is relative.

There is definately wisdom in "Big mama 'nems" words: "this is grown folks business...when grown folks are talkin' children need to get walkin'. "

I Get the point now.

Don't get it twisted

I am the type of person that has deep emotion. I am a peacemaker and a peace lover. If I have a serious problem with someone or something, it is important for me to set matters straight by eventually making my feelings known. It helps me to move on from the situation and not hold on to it. Holding on to negative feelings often create a place of bitterness and resentment, hiding in small crevices of the heart and mind. It never really allows a person to be free, causing one to be stagnant in life. Some people get it and some do not. Those who don't, seem to misunderstand the whole point. Feeling as though talking about things is a waste of time and energy. However, If done properly it can create a bridge to better understanding and a strong foundation in all relationships.
Recently I was told that I was making myself a victim because I chose to discuss a situation that hurt me deeply. I had the impression that my choice to express myself gave the other person the perception of weakness. How untrue that perception is. In fact, it is because I try to think through various issues, getting to the root of them that I am NOT a victim. Of any given serious situation which involves me. In fact I consider myself a survivor, because I fight everyday to push myself ahead. Doing what I do in spite of my trials. Going through my thoughts, I was reminded of that song ; Survivor, by Destiny's Child. How appropriate to post it up here today. It goes right along with my feelings.

If he told me once, he told me twice

Don't you hate when you have been told the right way to do something, and because of stubbornness, you find out the HARD WAY, why it was the RIGHT WAY in the first place?

You do?



Whew! Glad to see I'm not the only one!



My dilemma began on Tuesday night.



Convo recap:

Hubby- "are you driving on E? You really shouldn't do that"

Stubborn wife(THAT'S ME)- "oh, well, it'll be alright. The gas light should come on and tell me when I've gone too far right?"

Hubby- "um, maybe. you never know. what if it stops working. This is dangerous. You should always keep a good amount of gas in the car. You wont like to be stuck somewhere"

Stubborn wife- "I'm not worried, I'll get it tomorrow on my way out"



Wednesday, Mid morning, while schooling the kids I realized rather abruptly that there was an important matter that I needed to take care of. In haste I run out of the door...grab the keys...Grab the purse...Run out the door...jump in the car...crank up and pull out of the drive way...



NOT!

(oh no, not today!)



e-e-e-e-aaaa- e-e-e-e-aaaaaa! stupid car wont crank. I pump and pump the pedals to no avail. I try to do everything from "kick starting the car to getting a push from the kids.(yes, i had my kids pushing) We finally decided to get a gas can from the garage which had gasoline in it and pour it in. Oh hurray! we are on our way. The car cranks and we take off and then SCREEEECH! WHOMP! The car cuts off after moving about 3 feet.



OH WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN? WHHHYYYYYYY?!



I called a friend for a ride to run my errand and fill my gas can. Just shortly after this fiasco, I had to go back out. Frustration. Fear. Embarrassment. We put-put-ted, sputtered, cut-off, jumped & jerked all the way to our destination.



Reluctantly I called the hubby and gave him the 4-1-1.

I'll let you use your imagination as to how that conversation went.

You don't need a RECAP from me...

Hmph!**arms folded, eyes rollin'**

Forget what you planned

See this guy?

Hard working and industrious. Leaving before the sun rises each morning.

Each day begins the same, with the exception of today.

I turn over to greet Mr. Sunshine and This guy is laying next to me.

What?!

This doesn't happen on a weekday.

What is really going on?

Surprise...He decided to take the day off.

Yayyyy!!!!

Right?

Wrong!

Our carefully planned school schedule is a little more difficult to execute on this day. Everyone is up 30 minutes later, trying to get in extra cuddle time. Breakfast is late and school work started even later. And what ever I thought was on my agenda for today has been replaced with his agenda and mine is now rescheduled for tomorrow....

Yeah, so can you tell?

DADDY'S HOME

The soundtrack of our love

Do you remember the song you heard when you first fell in love? Or the song that was playing when you went out on that special first date? I do, and it seems like lately I've been hearing "our songs" alot.

It just strikes at a totally unexpected time, I'm in my car minding my own business and bing! I hear it, and in comes the warm and fuzzies like a flood. Then the butterflies start up right on Que, just like it was yesterday. My mind takes me back through 18 years when I was just a senior in highschool...Wow! Oh the fun times, the joy of feeling like nothing else even mattered but he and I. The late night phone calls only to hang up and call each other again as soon as we woke. Finding any and every excuse to be together and sometimes it felt like even that wasn't enough. I know, sickening right? Hehehehe.

Well, recently after going down memory lane musically, I thought to myself "what would the soundtrack of our happiest moments be like?" From that thought came a play list that I created based on the songs that I thought my hubby and I shared a common sentiment about.

Wanna hear it? Here it go:

http://blip.fm/profile/Hicksgirl93/playlist
Creating the soundtrack of your love is very romantic, and is a great way to "stir it up" with your #1. I've shown you my soundtrack of love, what songs would you add to your own soundtrack?

Rockin' Parents

We Rock! Vacation w/out kiddies.

For the love of a sister

I'll admit it, I'm a little needy at times.

I'm a sucker for a nice compliment.

I do know my own worth, but I will

acknowledge that I at times thrive

off the validation of my worth from

those whom I love.

Why?

Heck, I don't know... And I'm sure there

is some one out there who would be good at

analyzing my psyche. However, Now isn't the time.

I just wanna tell my story. (feel free to contact me later*wink*)

So, my 22 yr old sister sends me a text:

2:53 pm

"Hey do you know how to make zucchini bread?"

MY reply

"I have a recipe for it at home, but I don't know it right off. I can send it to you"

Her reply 3:02 pm

"Can you just make it for me:-)"

MY reply

"lol, maybe"

Her reply

"Come on you know you want to! Flex those Black Martha Stewart skills"

INTERJECTION, inside info- I heart Martha Stewart, she is so creatively awesome. I secretly want to be her.

My reply (trying to play it tough & cool)

"Maybe. Don't try to hype me up...hehehe"

The result?

You know it. I was in the store gathering the ingredients.

I had been caught in the web! And I knew it. I was gettin' played.

But for the love of a sister, I was going along for the ride and I liked it.

As I began preparing, mixing up the ingredients for this lovely loaf,

which I so knowingly was suckered into, I added something extra.

One cup of hugs, a half a cup of kisses and a splash of sisterly hopes and dreams.

This is the result:

Yum-mo!
The follow up text:

3:02 pm

"Are you home today?"

Her reply

"No, @ work"

My reply

"All day?...awww too bad. Guess u wont be able to eat your ZUCCHINI BREAD."

Her reply

"Did you add walnuts?"

My reply

" I did"

Her Reply

"OMG! Your the best"
My reply (trying to be cool and tough)

"yeah yeah, that's what you say to all the sisters. I'm just a sucka for flattery"

All the while, I'm smiling from ear to ear. Because even if only for a moment due to my culinary skills...I enjoyed feeling needed and appreciated.

*Want the recipe for this yummy Zucchini bread? Click below http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/zucchini-bread-recipe/index.html

Consequences

I say what I want:

Please go upstairs and clean your room.

Please go to the laundry room, gather you clothes and put them away.

Please tidy your bathroom when you make a mess. A considerate spot check is sufficient.

This is what I get:

Clothes all over the floor, along with toys, books and other miscellaneous items.

Laundry floor covered with clothes that have NOT been put away by their owners.

Bathroom.....hmmph!, you don't even want to KNOW what I got in there.

This is what they want:

We wanna go to the pool. Because we're hot.

We wanna watch t.v., our favorite show is on.

We wanna just do what we wanna do, when we wanna to do it, at all times.

This is what they get:

No pool time today, even if it is 91 degrees outside.

No t.v., catch the show another time. (besides that icarly show is a repeat anyway).

They will not do what they wanna do, when they wanna do it, at all times.

Grounded!

Hence, the Mean Mommy strikes again.

Dah-dah, dah -dah!

*sinister*laugh*

The love of a boy

Today, was nice and slightly unusual. Not unusual that my daughter went to hang out with her bff for the day, but unusual that my son and I were left alone. Although I spend most of my days with my son, it is not often that he and I are totally alone together. I don't really know or remember when this began in our relationship. I just know that I can't remember the last time it was just the two of us, all day.

Many of our days are filled with Do's & Don'ts, Yes & No's, and time outs. However today was special. When he asked me to take him to his favorite store (Game Stop) to trade in his video games, I didn't object. I said "yes" and I didn't even complain. We stopped an a local arts & crafts store and instead of getting him what I wanted him to have, I gave him the opportunity to pick out what HE wanted. We decided to take our puppy Isabelle to the park to walk and play. Prior to getting there we stopped and got an ice cream, just he and I. We got to the park and began walking, laughing, joking and enjoying the scenery...Just He and I. As we made our way to the edge of a small pond, admiring the ducks and feeling the warmth of the beautiful sunset. My son said to me in the simplest, most matter of fact tone that I know was not matter of factly in feeling " Mom, this is a great mother and son bonding moment."

At that brief second in time, which felt so light, fluffy and sweet, nothing else mattered except...He and I. I realized that sometimes all he wants is for it to be...Just HE and I, simple and true. Sharing the same space, acknowledgement of his individuality, appreciating his uniqueness. Today I made a mental note to self....this will not be the last mother and son bonding moment. It will be a recurring event, beneficial to us both...Just He and I.

Before he was born, I was skeptical about being the mother of a boy. But today was one of those days that I am thankful to LOVE and to HAVE The Love Of A Boy.