Help for Isabella

Recently I received a call from a friend and colleague in DC regarding her god daughter Isabella. A beautiful little four year old with Leukemia, who in 2008 received a bone marrow transplant and was in remission until March 2010. As she told me the story of this brave little girl, I was very touched at heart, because being a parent of a daughter AND a son I cannot imagine the heartache that Isabella's mother is going through... Actually, I can imagine it. As a parent there is NOTHING worse than feeling helpless when it comes to the well being of your child.

Currently, Isabella is in need of another bone marrow transplant but does not have any prospects. Why? Because, only 30 percent of the patients in need find a matching donor in their own family. Which means that they will then have to turn to the National Marrow Donor Program. That should solve the issue right? Wrong! There are not enough minorities/people of color registered to be a donor and so people of color have the hardest time getting a donor match. Which means there is only One in a million chance of getting a match. How sad! This was a eye opener for me, because I did not know that in order to receive a bone marrow transplant the donor has to be of same or like ancestry.

I began to wonder "why is it that so many minorities are not represented in such a needed area?" Well I believe it is because of a lot of misconceptions within our communities. So I did my own research and came across the Be The Match Registry (also known as the National Marrow Donor Program) . This website is full of information, one page that I found very informative was the MYTHS & FACTS PAGE where I learned that I was wrong in my knowledge about being a donor. It is not a overly painful procedure that is done without anesthesia, and there is more than one way to donate. You should check out the site, perhaps there is a myth that you believed too, but can learn the truth to. Go to www..marrow.org

Please check out the site find out where you can go locally to register and learn what you can do to help Isabella and children like her. And imagine, what would you want for your children if they were in her shoes? How would you feel if YOU were Monica, Isabella's mother fighting for the survival of your child which is dependant on the sacrifice of others? A serious matter, deserving serious attention.

Here is another site that I found for those who want to help but want to do so without the use of blood. I know that personally I want all of my needed surgical procedures to be performed without the use of blood transfusion. If you have the same beliefs or concerns then this site www.noblood.org is a great place to start looking for bloodless alternatives when donating and receiving for transplants.

Let's give Isabella and others like her a fighting chance.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

I have something I need to say.

I am concerned about some of the websites that are designed for young girls, specifically targeted at the age group of 7-17. Many, if not all of them seem to focus heavily on materialism and what I call the "Paris Hilton life style". These websites although designed with good intent to boost self esteem and stir up creativity, appear to also stimulate a sense of discontent. I say this because I have watched my 8 yr old on these sites. Generally I believed them to be cute and entertaining. My daughter received much joy from creating new hairstyles, designing fashionable outfits, and being a makeup artist. She really is a Fashionista in the making.

I never really thought too much into her time spent on these sites. I mean, I always checked to be sure they were sites suitable for children of course. And to be frank, I enjoyed the free time that it gave me when she was engrossed in "designing". However, it was not until recently that I began to think twice about what was really going on. How she was being affected on an emotional level.

Recently, my daughter came to me and asked if she could become a superstar. I did not know what she was talking about. I told her; "you're already a superstar honey." Her emphatic reply was that she wanted to be a REAL superstar and she needed my credit card to do it. Hold up! What? My credit card? OK, now she has my attention. She eventually was able to show me what she was talking about. On this site there is a lot of basic fashion pages, equiped for a paper doll type avatar that each girl can call her own. However, every girl can move on to superstar status if they pay $5.95 per month. "huh?" I questioned what was this fee for? Indya, went on to tell me that the fee will enable her to have bigger and better things. A nicer apartment, furniture, expensive clothes, a nice car etc. etc. As she was relaying this information to me, she appeared to be a little bit too desperate for my liking. Am I hearing this right? This is supposed to be child's play, right?

From my very core I was disturbed. What kind of message is this really sending to young girls? I asked a friend about my feelings and she understood my thoughts. I have always tried to help my daughter create a strong sense of self. And believe me she does have a strong sense for an 8 year old. But I do not care for the idea that she could possibly gauge her worth by the material things she possessed ( virtual or not). Too many girls today are growing up with the idea that more is better and bling is bliss. Focusing on the external and not enough time spent on developing the internal. Early on girls are forming cliques in schools based on status (believe me, I've seen it even in 1st grade), the mean girl mentality is evident. Remembering my days as a young girl/young adult with low self esteem, it just is not a path that I want to see my child going down. She needs to feel, know and believe that regardless of what she has, or what group she fits in with, she is still a superstar at all times. In real life, material things come and go. They can only carry a person to a point. However, strong character and inner beauty will never stop pushing a person ahead. Finding pleasure and happiness in the simple things that make life truly enjoyable and meaningful is priceless. Worth more than silver and gold. That is the area that I want her focus on.

I began thinking that maybe I'm taking this a little too serious. After all she is just a little girl having fun on a website that I allowed her to be on. But still I felt uneasy. So I pondered on that, but decided that a mother can't ever be too sure. sometimes the very simple signs are the very things we tend to take for granted and often can be what will snowball into something bigger later on. How many times has it been said "if I knew back then what I know now, I never would have allowed...". Yeah, I know I can't predict the future of my daughter, nor shield her from all the emotional curves she will encounter. However, what I do know is that I can be mindful of the example I set and the role that I play. Keeping an eye on how I feed into behavior patterns.

There for I decided I would not purchase the superstar status for her. For me, it just felt like going too far. I believe I would be contributing in some way to some unhealthy ideas. I recognize that perhaps I will even need to reevaluate some of the sites that she visits and set some new guidelines for her. None of which is limited to just the websites, but television, and music videos too. This will cause some upset, but this mom has got to do what she has to do. If my daughter wants to continue to play virtual dress up, makeup artist, etc. she will still have the freedom to do so. However it will have to be done within what I deem to be healthier parameter's.

With the increase of technology and media our children are being exposed to more and more ideas and values that are not our own. Those of which creep up into our lives oh so subtle. Which means we have to be that much more aggressive or quick to correct, encourage and refine the fibers that create a strong foundation. I don't know all the answers, but what I do know is that I want to build something more substantial within my little girl so that she can soar and be the woman that I know she can be. And I definitely don't think that buying her way to SUPER STARDOM is going help her to do that. I'm just saying...

Shout out to my girls!

Today I just want to talk about friends. I really love my friends aka my home girls, my bff's, my sistahsfromanothamotha. I don't have a lot of these type of friends but the ones that I have are really special to me. We don't always talk to each other on the phone, or have weekly Latte meet ups at Starbucks but the times we do share are very dear to me. These ladies make me feel like I can let my loc's down and keep them down as long as we are together.(without judging)

How important is THAT!?

It means a lot to me. I have always appreciated the bonds of sisterhood. Either with my fleshly sisters or those that are kindred spirits with me. Ever since I was a little girl, I was down with GIRL POWER even before it became a popular term. I never could resist a good sleepover where we stayed up all night sharing secrets as we painted our toenails, doing each others hair, sang our favorite songs and taught each other the latest dance moves.

Being married for 16 years gives me a new appreciation for my girlfriend time. I love my Dear hubby but my girlfriends help to keep me in touch with my "innerchild". The little girl inside of me that is footloose and fancy free. A conversation with these ladies often leaves me encouraged, inspired and sometimes just warm and fuzzy. And I hope that I provide the same for them.

In particular, I have two Girlfriend events that are forever set in stone in my heart; Every December my friend Brandee hosts a Big Girl Sleepover for all of her "girls"(now,don't be jealous). Everyone invited gets a special "VIP" invitation. When we get there, she presents us all with a thoughtful, sometimes practical, or just plain fun gift. She always has a cool theme for her sleepover. Last year's theme was my favorite; Stiletto's and Pillows! Everyone came in their favorite Stiletto's, loves it! To make the night even better we all enjoy our favorite adult beverages and let the trash talking begin! We play games, do karaoke and awake to Miss Brandee cooking us a a nice breakfast. I have gained and maintain some forever bonding friendships through this annual event. I never miss it(9 years and counting), even if I have to suffer through a bad kidney infection.....more on that at another time.

Secondly, I have a yearly BFF day with my #1home girl Chante' ( who is also my cousin). I heart her because she keeps it totally real, and makes me do it too. We share a love of so many things. We are very much like kindred souls. We decided to have a day just for us, our own holiday. Last year (our first year), was hilarious! Our one day turned into a full fledged weekend getaway adventure. We were two overstressed wives and mothers who were feeling a little bit like Thelma & Louise. That weekend involved, a Beautiful Bed & breakfast, two bottles of wine, an unstable tire, two police officers and a Train! (don't worry, we didn't break any real laws) Whew! the best time eva...We vowed to keep this ritual going no matter what.

So, Although I may not always have an annual event with all my girlfriends, I am thinking of them, and I appreciate them all for all that they have contributed to my life. To quote my dear friend; "all of my friends collectively make up one great therapist".

Here is my time to end my post and give a little shout out to all my girls, some are tried and true and some new. Each have shared a special moment, or touched my life somehow and who have contributed in some way to helping keep my inner child alive and skipping. .......Andronica, Chante, Brandee, Donna, Melissa, Eileen, Nanette, Susanne, Regina, Melissa G.. Here is a big Hug to ya! MUAH!!

A few pictures from last years BFF Day adventure with my #1 home girl

Here's a cool website that is all about the power of Girlfriends; http://girlfriendology.com/1608/girlfriend-gratitude-ology/

Seven going on seventeen

I don't know how this happened, but my 7 yr old has turned into a 17 yr old. I used to think it was sooo cute when she would try to pick out my outfits, suggest which color of lipstick looked the best, and tell me " those shoes are sharp! mommy!"

She awoke this morning with a major whiny attitude about not having any clothes. I'm thinking, " are you kidding me?" I feel like she is the only one in the house who ever gets new clothes(And Mommy could use a few things herself these days). Is it a coincidence that I find my clothing in her closet? My blush in her drawer? Or that her room smells like a bottle of nail polish with a hint of body splash? She "never has anything to wear" I mean, according to her , she has nothing! right down to socks and underwear. Everyday it's the same ole conversation; Daughter-"Mmmoomm! I got nothing to wear! Mommy- " yes you dooooo! wear that one thingy I bought you before!" Then I have to go digging in the her closet, in her dresser and in the laundry before we can find an outfit that is worthy of being worn by lil' miss thang.

Not to mention she might have more clothing options if she were to stop storing what she does have under her bed and oh don't forget the stash of dirty clothes in the drawer that never get washed because I don't know they are dirty. How about the socks and sweaters I find in the back seat of our car? Or under her brothers bookshelf? Hmmm could this be the reason there are never any clothes?

Off we go to the store, she walks in with a smirk on her lips and an adrenaline rush that is a Little more than a 7 yr old should be able to handle. An hour and a half later she walks out with 5 outfits and a slightly bouncier step. And I'm thinking... "this is only the beginning"